


(Shaking)

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Misunderstandings, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Self-Hatred, Sexual Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-11-30
Packaged: 2018-08-30 21:08:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8549170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "I cheated on you." Nishinoya repeats, again, softer, angrier. "I. I've been cheating on you."(Nishinoya is convinced that being raped is the same as cheating, and his unwillingness to be cared for leads to a lot of grief and stress all around)





	1. I. Guilt

**Author's Note:**

> So! This'll probably only be a few chapters, but I wanted to write something like this for a while so i finally did it. lol.
> 
> and just some notes about trauma for people who have never experienced/dont get it:
> 
> in this, nishinoya ends up using sex with his abuser as self harm. It is still rape because he's a minor being taken advantage of by an adult. It isn't cheating. rape =/= cheating on your S/O
> 
> anyway. pls enjoy <3
> 
>  
> 
> warning for one use of the f slur, too

Nishinoya's hands shake as he takes off his shirt. Or, his entire body shakes. Knees. Wobbling. Breath. Stuttering. He feels it all like his bones are shuttering within him, and when his cousin runs fingers down his sides and back up again, he feels his lips tremble uselessly when the same hands come to undo his belt buckle.

"You doing okay there?" And when he nods, tersely, his cousin lets out a breathy, faraway laugh, like it amuses him more than he can even say. "Knees, Yuu."

He goes down. He doesn't have a choice. He can't control this. He can't stop it.

"That's a good boy."

He shakes and shakes and _shakes_ until its over.

\--

It starts after Asahi and Nishinoya begin dating. Or, a while after, if he remembers correctly. His mother's sister's son, twenty-seven years old, needed a place to stay. Nishinoya had never met him, but they started to share a room. It was only temporary, his mother said, until he found his own place. 

And it was fine, at first. Because the man never bothered Nishinoya and he never bothered Asahi when he was at their home, either.

But soon, Nishinoya was waking up to foreign hands, he was waking up to fingers around his prick, a mouth at his neck. And a threat. _"I'll hurt your boyfriend if you don't keep quiet, faggot."_ and he does, he's quiet. His cousin is huge, even bigger than Asahi, and Nishinoya can't help but think about how Asahi could never get through this. He thinks about how much it would hurt him, and he stays as still as his body will allow.

But after, when his cousin's hand slips out from his soiled shorts, the lips go to his ear once more, and he laughs. Breathless. Bemusedly. "You sure enjoyed that, huh?"

"I-"

No. He didn't. It was terrible, his insides feel like fire. 

"I never took you for someone who would cheat, Yuu."

Nishinoya's voice goes thin and strained as panic gripps his chest. He couldn't have, he didn't, did he? That. He had no choice, it couldn't of been his fault, "I didn't-"

"Whatever you need to tell yourself to sleep at night." And his cousin is back on the blowup bed on the floor before he knows it, leaving Nishinoya alone to fall apart, shoulders quaking with each uneven breath. 

"That was fun. Let's do it again sometime, yeah?"

The voice is menacing, so he nods. He nods until he doesn't know why he's nodding anymore, and then he just shakes.

\--

Nishinoya and Asahi don't get up to much, sexually. Which has always been fine for both of them, because more than anything, Nishinoya just enjoys being near Asahi, and Asahi feels the same towards him, as well. 

It had been fine until his cousin moved in, he reasons. Because he wasn't particularly interested in sex either.

But now, Nishinoya lives with a constant stomach ache, a constant guilt deep within him. He doesn't want to eat anymore, and he doesn't think he even can. At every soft look from Asahi, at every tender touch from his hands, Nishinoya feels himself sink farther and farther in a hole he feels he will never, ever be able to escape. He feels the phantom sensation of something in him, feels his pulse quicken, feels hands around his wrists, feels his breath sharpen. That man is right, he's cheating on his boyfriend, the boy he loves. He's terrible.

He's cheating on Asahi, the kindest person he's ever met. How can he even live with himself?

Nishinoya desperately thinks he must just be a slut, or something. He's terrible, and he should never be allowed to touch someone as pure as Asahi ever again. But he's selfish, he can't stop loving him, can't bear to part from him. It'd be best if he broke up with him and disappeared from his life forever, but he just. Can't do it.

But as he approaches his cousin for the first time on his own accord, just because he's a little stressed, a little anxious, he feels dirtier than he ever has before. Because he's asking for it this time, which means he must like it, and when he's being shoved face-down onto the bed, the tears soak through his bed sheets before they even start fucking. He deserves it, he deserves it. His cousin laughs at him when a particularly loud sob leaks from his shaking lips, and he continues to tremble.

"Don't cry about it, Yuu." He does a reach around on his dick for emphasis. "Not when your body is making it perfectly clear that you're the one asking for this."

He shakes. He shakes. He shakes apart. 

\--

"Yuu, are you okay?" 

Nishinoya looks over to Asahi, though he finds it difficult to concentrate on anything for more than a few moments with how intrusive his thoughts are becoming. Asahi rubs his arm soothingly, his eyes filled with worry, and Nishinoya feels his throat constrict. He can't tell him. He can't do it. 

How is he supposed to confess to his boyfriend that he's sleeping with his _cousin_? 

Nishinoya laughs and plasters a smile on his face as he rubs his face into Asahi's shoulder. (He ignores how his skin crawls when they touch). 

"Of course," he answers, forcing an intonation into his voice. His lower back aches. He's shaking. He can't fucking do this. All he can hear in his ears are that man's moans, his whimpers. When he hears laughter from the first years across the room, he nearly passes out; are they laughing at him? He shakes his head no a few times before he catches himself and Asahi's eyebrows furrow deeper.

"Are... Are you sure? You can talk to me if something's wrong, you know that, right?"

Nishinoya wraps his arms around Asahi's waist and leans into him, hating himself for every moment he spends clinging to him and tainting him with his presence. "Mmm. Yeah. I know." But he can't get away, can't stop loving him, he can't do it. He forces another smile on his face and pokes Asahi's ribs jokingly. "You're such a worrywart."

Asahi laughs and hugs him back, but he doesn't respond. 

Nishinoya's stomach curls, and he hates himself for doing this to the person he's supposed to care for most.

\--

"Daichi. Have you noticed anything off with Noya lately?"

"Noya?" Daichi stretches forward and touches his toes while he looked over to his friend. "What do you mean?"

Asahi licks his lips as he reaches over to touch his left foot. Nishinoya had missed practice. The last time he'd missed practice was because his great grandmother had died and he had to go to the funeral. But now, Asahi can find no real reason for his boyfriend being missing, and with his already building worry starting to mount, he only feels his anxiety worsen.

"He's..." Asahi looks for the right words and switches to his other foot. "He's acting different. I caught him having a panic attack the other day, and when he saw me, he forced himself into acting like it wasn't even happening. And he's always shaking. And spacing out. But he..." Asahi takes a moment to breathe. "He won't talk to me."

Daichi hums. "Well. Let's keep an eye on him, yeah? I'll tell Suga about it too, so he can keep a watch out with us."

Asahi nods. But his anxiety is through the roof, and he can't shake away the feeling that something is really, _really_ wrong. There's something in Nishinoya's eyes that's different, and he doesn't want to admit that above all, they look vacant.

\--

In the club room, Nishinoya feels eyes on him as he changes, even with his back turned. For the past few days, Nishinoya could swear that the third years were watching his every move. He prays, as he takes off his shirt, that there are no marks there from last night, desperate to act natural, but when he hears a stifled gasp, his heart goes cold. Could he pass a bite mark off as an accident? Or as a bruise? Fuck. 

He avoids Suga and Daichi during practice as much as he can, avoids Asahi's worried glances and pinched frowns. And he succeeds, for a while, until practice ends and everyone files out to head to the club room. 

"Noya, can we talk with you for a sec?" 

He turns to face Daichi, Suga, and Asahi (who is standing anxiously behind them) and nods, though he can't will himself to speak, not trusting himself. How could he let this happen? What the fuck is _wrong_ with him?

Suga approaches him like he's a wounded animal, hand out, voice soft. "Are you alright?"

He nods.

He's not alright. He has a scab on his back from where that man had bitten him. He has bruises on this thighs from where his grip had been too tight. 

"You... Your back. That looks painful, what happened?"

He shakes his head.

 _STUPID STUPID STUPID_.

Now, Daichi steps forward. "Noya, what happened?" And promptly, Suga shoots him a scathing look, as if to say _Please try to be more gentle, you tactless idiot._

 

"I-"

Asahi's voice joins in, and suddenly, Nishinoya realizes that he's right beside him, and Asahi is reaching for his shoulder, and he's--

_A hand reaches for him, and he tries to run, but he's stuck, he's stuck under someone's body, he's being used, he's being ripped apart from the inside out. The hand latches onto him so tightly that he gasps, and a stray tear leaks from the corner of his eye. He's-- He's----_

Nishinoya flinches, and Asahi's face _breaks_.

The guilt mounts, crushing him, making his stomach turn and toss and ache, making his heart beat too fast, making his eyes water. This was all his fault all along, and now he's worrying the person he cares about most with his problems. He flinched and worried Asahi and it's all his fault, it was all his fault, it was all. His. Fault. It always has been. Because he's too weak to say no. Because he goes crawling back to him every time he's stressed, just to be as dirty as he feels.

He only realizes he's hyperventilating when Suga's voice comes from his side: "Noya, breathe. You're okay, it's okay, take a deep breath."

But he can't. He doesn't deserve this, doesn't deserve any of these people caring for him at all. Never, never, never. He's just a slut, he's a cheating slut, and he makes a final decision in his hazy panic, the decision to finally break away from Asahi so he can never hurt him again. Why hadn't he done this sooner? He should never even be near Asahi, and this will fix that.

He can hear someone speaking, but he cuts through the static with a shout before he can stop himself. "Asahi, I cheated on you."

Silence. A gulp.

He hears Asahi's voice go watery. "...W...What?"

"I cheated on you." Nishinoya repeats, again, softer, angrier. "I. I've been cheating on you."

And Nishinoya runs, unwilling to see how heartbroken Asahi's face must be. But it's for the best. It's for the best. Nishinoya is dirty and terrible, and it's only right that he makes that known. So he can never hurt anyone else when he self-destructs.

When he gets home, his cousin is sitting in his bed. The door clicks softly behind Nishinoya as it shuts, and he's on his knees before he's even asked to be.

He shakes. He shakes. And shakes. Well into the night, and well into the morning.

He doesn't go to school the next day.


	2. II. Avoidance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well aint this just................................................................. dandy  
> even MORE suffering  
> pls... heed the tags yall

Asahi feels like his heart's been plunged into a vat of ice. Noya. Nishinoya. Running from him. Crying. Wheezing. The words bounce in his head repeatedly. _"I cheated I cheated I cheated I cheated."_ What happened? Did he do something wrong? It must be his fault, he thinks. If Nishinoya... Did something like that, it must've been because Asahi wasn't enough for him, right? He shakes his head, body still numb. No. He couldn't have. He didn't. Not Nishinoya. He just doesn't get it.

He hears voices bleed in from around him and recognizes them as Daichi's and Suga's. Oh, that's nice, they're here too. "He's... Shock... Sit him down... Panic..."

Light becomes blur, sound becomes fuzzy, he is set down somewhere in the gym, and the cold feeling of the floor beneath him almost grounds him, until he thinks again of what Nishinoya said. He must've been mistaken.

There's a shout. Daichi. Accusatory: "How could he do this to _Asahi_? Ashahi, of all people! Suga, aren't you even a bit angry?"

"Dai, calm down. You're being irrational."

"Just look at Asahi, Suga! He's freaking out, and I'm the irrational one for being worried?"

As Daichi's yells, Asahi pulls his knees to his chest, nervous and confused. Betrayal beats at his heart and he shoves it down as deep as possible. This can't be happening. Is Nishinoya okay?

Apparently, he had said that out loud, because Daichi and Suga squat beside him. Suga's hand hovers over his, gentle and calm. "I don't know."

Silence.

Daichi sighs. "I just don't understand what's going on."

The statement lingers in the moments that follow as Asahi attempts to regain his breath. They wait, patient, until he can speak, and Asahai puts his head into the middle of his knees. "I'm worried about him."

At this, Daichi furrows his brows. "Asahi, he told you he was... He was cheating on you, and you're worried? Shouldn't you be... Angry?" After, he shakes his head hopelessly. "I guess you're incapable of that, huh? Still. I just don't get it, wasn't your relationship going well?"

"I... I thought so." Asahi inhales shakily, and before he can control himself, a single tear rolls down his cheek. It's only a few moments until he's openly sobbing, hiding his face, embarrassed beyond belief with himself. He thinks of how scared Nishinoya has seemed this past month and curses himself for having the audacity to cry when he's obviously not the only one hurting. He hates himself for not noticing how much he had been suffering sooner.

"It has to be something else," Suga soothes, rubbing Asahi's arm. "So calm down, okay? We'll get to the bottom of this, I promise, everything will be okay. We've been watching Nishinoya, right Daichi?" At Daichi's nod, Suga continues just as gently. "And we're worried too. He isn't acting like himself, huh?"

Asahi shudders through a shake of his head. "He isn't and I. I don't k-know what to _do_. What if he's hurting?"

Suga makes a sad, understanding noise. "It'll be okay, Asahi. We're going to talk to him, yeah? It'll be okay, right, Daichi?"

Daichi nods, not knowing what to say, and allows himself to feel a bit of shame over almost accusing Nishinoya of something everyone knows he would _never_ do. It should be obvious. The panic attacks. The shaking. The flinching.

None of them want to think of what exactly caused this, but the thought hovers, heavy and oppressing.

"Here," Suga says, lifting Asahi from the floor. "Let's go get some food from the store. Tomorrow, we can figure this all out, does that sound good?"

Asahi lets himself be dragged out of the gym, but he isn't sure that 'figuring this out' will be easy at all. 

Nishinoya isn't at school the next day, and on repeat, the vision of him flinching plays in Asahi's head like a fucked up, broken recording. 

\--

Nishinoya avoids the third years like the plague when he gets back. Consumed by self-disgust, self-hatred, and self-blame, he puts the biggest smile he can manage on his face and the loudest timbre into his voice he can muster. To pretend. To fake it until he makes it. He can feel them staring at him, can feel Asahi's anxiety from across the room, even across the school, and it makes his palms sweaty.

Why can't Asahi just hate him like he deserves? He's hurting him, Nishinoya is aware of that, and the knowledge beats into him during his classes, into him during practice. He's supposed to... He's supposed to be supporting Asahi. Or he was supposed to have been. But here he is, hurting him, again, and again, and again.

A few times, Nishinoya nearly gets trapped in whatever Suga, Daichi, and Asahi have planned for him. To make sure he doesn't find himself alone with any one of them, he hangs off of the other team members as much as possible. He walks to classes with Tanaka, eats lunch with the first years, talks obnoxiously loud during practice to distract himself from the piercing gazes he feels pinned to his back.

When he senses them looking at him, he feels the filthiest. Even under a sweaty body, he doesn't feel this gross. The ache in his lower back pulses, his knees wobble, his fingers twitch, as if itching to do _something_ , do anything about the situation. 

This goes on for a while. Until.

He finds himself alone in the club room with Suga a week after he confessed to Asahi. His heart beats frantically, and he keeps his head down, hoping he can slip past Suga, but when he reaches the door, he sees shoes in front of him, and dully recognizes that Suga's standing in front of the door, blocking the way out. 

"Noya."

He doesn't respond, afraid that his voice may shake.

"Please, what's going on?"

He shakes his head.

He can't handle this.

"We're worried about you." He shakes his head, again. "Asahi can barely sleep because he can't bear thinking that you might be in danger."

"What do you want me to say?" Nishinoya hisses before he can stop himself, defensive. "I cheated on him. What do you want from me? I'm fine."

Suga has always been too smart, too good at reading people. He sighs and crosses his hands over his chest, waiting for a truth that Nishinoya feels he can never, ever divulge. 

"I hurt Asahi. I cheated on him." It sounds desperate, even to him. He's trying. He needs to convince them. Convince them he doesn't deserve their worrying.

"What _happened_ though, Noya? Please. We all care about you."

Nishinoya forces a smile and even he can feel how fake it feels, pinching at his exhausted features. "Well, don't be. Because I'm fine." He shoves past Suga and leaves the club room before he can start crying. "He shouldn't forgive me for this, and neither should you or Daichi. I hurt him, and that should be explanation enough."

The words ache in Suga long after Nishinoya is gone, and he tries to level his breathing when he realizes that Nishinoya had been limping as he left.

\--

"Hey Yuu, your phone's been going crazy over there," he says, fingers knuckle-deep into Nishinoya. He pinches his eyes closed tight when his cousin shoves in another, and his next exhale sounds almost like a needy keen to his own ears. "Your boytoy still messaging you?"

Hatred flares within Nishinoya, and before he can stop himself, he says, "Don't bring him into this, asshol-"

A sharp, burning sensation tingles through Nishinoya's cheek and into his skull, making him feel like his brain is shaking. It takes him a few moments of dizzying confusion and fear until he realized he was _slapped_ so hard he saw spots and he begins to struggle before being pushed down again.

"Don't be getting too big on yourself, kid," he says, hands tightening threateningly around Nishinoya's wrists. "Don't forget about what happens when you disobey me, got it?"

He doesn't respond, and in a few moments, he's shaken roughly. "I _said_ got it?"

Nishinoya nods, eyes screwed shut so tightly that it makes his temples burn.

Suddenly, the man is off him, going to his desk, reading through his texts from Asahi that remained unopened. "This kid is really into you, isn't he?"

No response from Nishinoya, except for a shuttering, weak noise.

"Well. Doesn't matter. You won't tell him about us, right, Yuu?"

Nishinoya shakes his head in appeasement, and the hands return on him.

"Just remember. If I find out about you telling _anyone_ about this, he's the first one to pay for your mistakes. Don't fuck this up, Yuu." Hands. Roaming. A tongue on his body. A shame so deep in him it feels eternal and suffocating. "Don't hurt him more than you already have."

Hurt hurt hurt hurt.

Nishinoya lets it overcome him.

\--

From a few miles away, Asahi stares at the unanswered texts he's sent, and with a deep sadness, begins to cry at the feeling of utter helplessness that begins to dwarf him. Asahi can only think of hugging Nishinoya, of their warm bodies together, of loving, of loving, of _loving_ him.

He clutches his phone to his chest and tries, unsuccessfully, to fall asleep, clinging to the desperate hope that when he wakes up in the morning, there will be a text from Nishinoya waiting for him, letting him know that everything will be okay.

When morning arrives, there is no reply, only silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u so so much for the response and reviews on the last chapter. it means a lot to me <3  
> and dont worry, things will work out, eventually  
> lol


	3. III. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nishinoya is cornered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUN FACT. one time the police came to my school to question me and that shit was SCARY. 
> 
> anyway.  
> thanks for the support! we are nearing the end of nishinoyas abuse.... and then.... the REAL fun can begin (recovery)

  
Nishinoya considers dropping out of volleyball more times than he can count, but every time he sees the first years, sees Tanaka and Ennoshita and Narita and Kinoshita, he tells himself that a bit of discomfort around the third years is worth it if he can keep the ball in the air for the people he cares about.

Asahi still looks at him like he's about to break, Suga still treats him like he's only a moment away from a breakdown, and Daichi... Well. Daichi just seems worried, above all else. He guesses that they all are, though he can't make any sense of it.

Don't they understand that Nishinoya was the one who started this? That he trampled all over Asahi's trust by sleeping with an older man?

The idea leaves him feeling jittery and furious, but he forces himself to think it, over and over again, to force down the small voice within him that says 'this is not your fault, you're being used.' He blocks that out vehemently, thinking of how he hurt Asahi, about how he cheated, how he has no right to be upset, because he can only imagine how much Asahi must be feeling. Betrayed. Disgusted.

Nishinoya deserves this for being too weak to say no. For not fighting harder.

For a while, it's manageable. Until he finds himself being caught in situations that make him feel as if he has a giant "I'm being abused" sign hung on him.

He's leaving school when it happens. Someone grabs his arm from behind him, and suddenly, his vision is tunneling, shrinking to a single point, where all he can see is Him. Him. Him. _Him_. The sensation akin to that of force and that of being hurt. And he shrinks in on himself, lurching forward to get away from the feeling, bending away, away, away, and suddenly, the tunnel vision vanishes as soon as it came, the black bleeding out of his peripherals, and he sees Takeda-sensei, gripping his shoulders in front of him.

Ah, he must have been the one who touched him. Suddenly feeling all too slimey, Nishinoya laughs as loud as he can, but it sounds pinched even to himself, and backs out of the touch.

"Are you okay?" Takeda asks, his entire face still tight with worry and apprehension. Desperate to be believed, Nishinoya nods, and scratches at the back of his neck out of nervous habit.

"Yeah! Sorry. I'm just tired and you, uh, surprised me."

Takeda hums, but he's still frowning, and Nishinoya can't help but think he just fucked up in front of the one person he really shouldn't have. A teacher.

"Anyway," Takeda says, clearing his throat. "I was coming to tell you that we have an early practice tomorrow. The others said they couldn't find you today and- and I figured you'd want to know." He seems like he wants to say more, but he stops, and pauses, cheeks flushed.

Nishinoya nods again before he can stop himself and gives Takeda two thumbs up. "Of course! Thanks, sensei. But I have to get home. I'll see you all tomorrow for practice. Early." He stops himself from rambling any further and gives a small salute to Takeda, turning on his heels and jogging from him. He really hopes that he hasn't needlessly worried sensei, too. On top of everyone else.

When he gets home, his cousin isn't there, so he lays in bed and cries until his eyes burn too much for him to cry any longer.

When his parents come home, they don't comment on how red his eyes seem. But they shoot him worried glances, and he hears them talking in hushed tones throughout the night, past when his cousin comes home.

He isn't touched that night, but with the weight of his guilt pressing down on him, Nishinoya almost wishes he was, if only to give himself a distraction from it all.

\--

"Wait, Takeda. What?"

"I think I have to report this," Takeda says, voice tinged with uncertainty and anxiety. He faces Ukai, wringing his hands, and heaves a sigh. "A social worker will probably come and talk to Nishinoya. And hopefully, things can be sorted out quickly. If the report is screened in, that is. I'll have to start documenting what I notice and--" He starts to ramble off the procedures, growing more nervous as he continues.

"So you really think there's something going on then?" Ukai takes a last long drag from his smoke and puts it out on the bottom of his shoe, still looking with concern to the teacher. He receives a quick nod in response and he huffs, bobbing his head. "Alright. I'll trust your judgement."

Ukai regrets to himself that he has, admittedly, not been paying much attention to Nishinoya. He was and is an incredible libero, but Ukai chides himself for focusing more on his ability than as his troubles as a person. Now that Takeda-sensei is bringing it up, he's reminded of a bunch of small things that are now seeming to be less small.

Nishinoya flinching from his shouting and stature. His forced, pitched voice. His distracted and sometimes glazed eyes.

He trusts Takeda with this, though, and hopes that everything will turn out okay, not just for the sake of the team, but for the sake of Nishinoya as well.  
He and the teacher part at the next corner they reach, and Ukai waves him away with a grimace.

Maybe they should talk to the third years and see what they think about this too.

\--

Nishinoya is called out of class a week later. He's managed to keep everything else pretty orderly with the third years, keeping his distance as needed, and he feels mostly proud of himself even as he can feel his grip on everything else slipping (his grades, his friendships, his skill at volleyball).

The call makes his palms a little sweaty, as he can't imagine what he would be needed for in the office, but when he gets there and sees a female police officer jotting down something on a pad of paper, he feels his blood still.

She looks up at him, smiles, and waves him over, leading him into a small and secluded room that he recognizes as the school psychologist's. Why was he called here? His hands start to shake, so he shoves them in his pockets, hoping to feign nonchalance.

"What's your height?" She asks, laying out a piece of paper on the desk in front of her. Nishinoya answers, glad his voice hasn't stopped shaking. "Age?"   
Answers. "Birthday?" Answers. He catches her glancing at him again, quickly scribbling down his eye color and appearance (such as his clothing and stature) on a few lines underneath the rest.

"Um... Why am I here?" Nishinoya fidgets in his seat, a coiling suspicion beginning to make him nauseous. Did someone find out? Did someone call the _police_ on him?

"We got a report from someone concerning you and your safety," she begins, smiling kindly at him. He assumes she's trying to calm him, but it does the opposite as the words register, and he feels his pulse quicken. "Sorry to inconvenience you, but may I ask you a few questions?"

He nods, feigning a confused and neutral expression. "Yeah, of course. Who reported me? I don't know why you'd come, I feel sorry to waste your time, but everything's all right." Words he doesn't say get stuck on the way up, _my cousin keeps hurting me, I need this to stop, I don't know what to do, please make him go away, please help me_. 

She scrutinizes him for a few moments longer until writing something else down, something he can't make out.

Tentatively, Nishinoya speaks. "Are you- are you going to be going to my parents? It's just. I don't want them to worry about something that isn't even happening you know? I appreciate the concern and all but--"

"No. I personally will not be going to your parents." She smiles and he only feels the need to fidget further. "So, Nishinoya-kun, I see you have a bruise on the side of your neck. May I ask where you got that?"

It's a hickey, he thinks. It's a fucking hickey he didn't even notice. From that man. In the dark, when he was sleeping, pressed against him, probably. He swallows once. Twice. When the excuses won't come up.

"I'm pretty active in volleyball," he settles on. "You should see me, I'm all _woosh_ and _wham_ , and it's kind of hard to get away without a bruise or two." He laughs a little sheepishly, and he can feel his heart fluttering in his chest, sure he's never been this nervous before.

She eyes him again. Writes something down. Questions him again. He berates himself for not just saying he had a girlfriend or something. _Really? Volleyball? That's the best I could come up with?_

Nishinoya's knees bounce restlessly as she asks him a few more question. He shoots each one down, and although she looks disappointed, she lets him leave a while later with a kind goodbye.

Feeling suspiciously that what just happened isn't through with yet, Nishinoya heads to the gym, hoping that maybe volleyball will take his mind off of things for a while.

He pulls the zipper all the way up on his club jacket to hide the bruise. Though he tries to ignore it, he can almost imagine the feel of that wet, disgusting mouth biting into him, eating him whole.

\--

Asahi tries not to trip over his own feet when he enters the club room. Suga had assured him that he would keep watch outside to make sure he could get a moment alone with Nishinoya, and he appreciated it immensely.

Though Asahi was... hurt, and more than he could admit to himself, he shoved down his own feelings once he caught sight of his boyfriend (ex boyfriend? That hurt to think). His back was turned as he changed, and there were slight brown marks creasing at his hips, in the shape of fingers.

Suddenly, the fact that he'd been crying alone at night for _weeks_ about this didn't matter. This was about Nishinoya's safety and health, both of which weren't looking very promising.

Takeda-sensei's words echoed themselves in his head from when he had talked to them a while prior. _I'll be reporting this, and while we get things figured out, please be there for him. I can only imagine how alone he must feel, with whatever is happening_. And seeing him so small like this just confirmed it for Asahi, and he stepped forward.

"Noya...?"

Nishinoya stuck a shirt over his head as quickly as he could, flung on his jacket, and turned on him, eyes wide and a little wild. Mostly, they seemed scared.  
"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."

"Wha... Asahi. What're, um, you doing here?" Nishinoya tries to squeeze the wheezing noises from his breathing, but he can't stop the thumping, cold panic that begins to grip him. He thinks of how attention seeking his breakup with Asahi must have seemed, how pathetic he must've looked, right after his panic attack. He doesn't understand why Asahi would bother with him anymore.

"Just wanted to say hey and ask how you were doing," he responds, honestly. It makes Nishinoya's eyes hurt. Huh. How weird.

"I'm fine," Nishinoya says, trying to side-step around Asahi to leave. He's blocked, however, and something claws up his throat before he can stop it, and a sob is ripped from his throat as he tries to squeeze through, but is kept in the club room. "Asahi, let me leave."

"You aren't okay." He sounds pained as he says it, and he shoots his arm out in a desperate attempt to stop Nishinoya from leaving and dodging him again. "Please, Noya."

"I _cheated_ , why can't you all understand that? I hurt you, just let me leave!"

"No. _No_. I don't care, Noya. I don't care if you cheated." Asahi's voice wobbles dangerously, and he sniffs in an attempt to keep his composure. "I just want you to be safe and-- Noya. I'm scared, what's going on?"

The last shred of resistance leaves Nishinoya, and he tumbles forward into Asahi, ugly cries making him hiccup and hyperventilate. Even though the touch hurts him in a ripping, decisive way, he clutches tight at Asahi when he's wrapped in for a hug.

Burying his face into Asahi's chest, Nishinoya remembers the last time they hugged like this, when they were both okay and happy and together, and his crying turns even harsher.

From the other side of the door, Suga sends a quick text to Asahi, letting him know that he'd be staying nearby in case they needed him, and slinks off to give them some privacy.


End file.
